Unfinished Posts and a Healing Heart

Over the past few months, I have started many posts that I just couldn't finish. I don't like to be super emotional on my blog, and that's what my posts were going to be. It has also just been something too difficult to write about, so I didn't.

In the beginning of November, the boyfriend and I broke up. It was primarily led by my fear of the future, which for us seemed too uncertain (from my perspective, at least). It was something that I couldn't get out of my mind, and it was affecting my ability to enjoy the relationship at its present. He was to be completing his Master's Degree at the end of this year, and then would be moving away to pursue his dreams. They used to be dreams that I shared, but over the past year and a half that dream for me has changed. I wanted to stay in my hometown of Tulsa and continue pursuing the dreams that have been developing for my life here.

As you can see, those two dreams don't match up. It was the first real, true, and difficult "adult" decision I have ever had to make. And it killed me.

The healing process has had its ups and downs, I just try to focus on the ups and ignore the downs. Even still, this is hard to write about. However, I want to get it out of the way so that I can start (inconsistently) blogging again freely.

Despite the sadness and heartbreak, I have been enjoying a new lease on life: to pursue my goals in Tulsa 100% and to never hold back. I have been focusing on whatever makes me happy, and to not think too much (as I always get caught up doing). I want to live freely and flourish. I don't want to miss any opportunity, and I want to shoot down any chance for me to live in regret. I must keep reminding myself that I am young- I am allowed to make mistakes and I am allowed to do what I want. This will be a hard one for me, but I can already tell that the happiness is worth it.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Awkward and Awesome Thursday

AWESOME:

-I did not wreck my car OR get my phone stolen during OU/TX weekend.
-I got my car back!!
-Getting a new car battery fo' freee!!!
-Seeing the Thunder play in Tulsa, OK. (one of the last James Harden games too, but this is the awesome section, not the sad section.)
-Oktoberfest, Oktoberfest, Oktoberfest.
-Getting to take shuttles to Oktoberfest.
-Being BFFLs with the Oktoberfest Chicken.
-Seeing weenie dog races for the first time.
-Going to the Red Hot Chili Peppers concert and getting to take my brother, roommate, and some work friends!

-Getting to go to the OU/Notre Dame game (despite the loss, it was one of the best game day experiences ever).

-Getting involved in advocacy for certain ballot propositions via Twitter. The best way I can describe my actions is with the word "firecracker."

-My brother has been contacted now by two people who think I am awesome for my Twitter-firecracker-ness.

-I am starting to learn to cook!!! In addition to me already excellent breakfast making skills, of course.

-Today is my Friday. Whatup.

Awkward:

-Getting tackled by a very large patio chair on a Dallas rooftop as the winds tried to throw me off the roof. However, it did not succeed! #silverlining
-#hashtagging on Blogger.

-Car not starting when I went to turn it on for the first time... hence the new, free battery.
-Arriving to the Thunder game 1/4 late because me and roommate were having a grand ol' time at Oktoberfest.
-I went to run/hug someone from high school and it turned into a tackle. I didn't realize I was such a natural linebacker.
-The opener for RHCP concert, Thundercat.
-Being made fun of by students for continuing to cheer during the 4th quarter of the OU/Notre Dame game. For real-- never seen the student section so lame/quiet/pathetic/disrespectful.
-Trying to watch the new How I Met Your Mother, like the t.v. said. However, it was a re-run. :(
-Getting followed by random people after my political twitter-ing, including 3 different Oklahoma Tea Party groups. I don't want to be too political on here, but I will say that I am not the biggest fan of the Tea Party.
-Playing Pac Man with such intensity that 2 days later my hand is very sore and keeps cramping up.
-Being the only person who showed up to our daily group lunchtime. The apps on my phone became my best friend.

Weird Wednesday

Going to the dentist is always one of the most awkward situations one can ever face. I have been going to the same dentist my whole life, yet it is inevitable that I will always feel really weird.

I can get over the whole, "someone is staring at my teeth for 30 minutes" thing, but there are two things that I just can't:

When the dentist asks you questions while they have their hands in your mouth.

     For one, this is rude. It is like trying to make someone talk with their mouth full. While it can be funny at moments, it is generally not socially acceptable. But then it is also rude to not answer. I never really quite know what to do.. do I wait for them to pull out their hands? Do I let out a grunt to warn them I am going to attempt speaking? Or do I just go for it, spitting and mumbling all over the place? They didn't teach me this etiquette in grade school. I feel like it is a sick joke that they teach dental students; they need something to break up the monotony of x-rays and fluoride treatments.

When the dentist gives you sunglasses and tilts the bright light right in your face, leaving you two options for your eyes: 1. Look at the dentist's eyes or 2. Close your eyes. 

      Sure, they give you sunglasses. These aren't polarized though, so the eyes are definitely visible. I definitely don't want to pull the Steve Martin awkward 5 minute stare (I showed this a few posts ago). But then I don't want to close my eyes because I want to know what tools they are potentially going to stab my tongue with. 

If only they would still give me stickers... then it would all be worth it.

My name is Katy, and I miss my car

For those of you who don't know, I have a car named Ellen. I prefer to speak of her as a real human. Right before Labor Day, my poor Ellen had a heart attack. The doctor said the only fix was to receive a heart transplant, aka get a new engine. 7.5 weeks later, I am still without her. The first engine was rejected, and so we have had to wait for another. There have been many times that we thought she could come home, but alas, there has always been another complication.

All I can do is wait. Luckily, I can walk to work. However, things like going to the grocery store get a little more tricky. I have an amazing group of family and friends who have assisted be in these rough times, and I am very grateful for them!

I never imagined a car being in the shop for 2 months. Someday, hopefully soon, Ellen and I will be reunited. Until then, I will be wearing my walkin' shoes (or boots- because they are made for walking, too).

Ellen looks something like this

Weird Wednesday

This Weird Wednesday is so simple, yet so strange...



5 children, probably 4-5 years old. The guitar is actually as tall as them, if not taller.

That is all.

Awkward and Awesome Thursday

AWESOME:
-Starting to feel comfortable at work, and making friends with my team. :)
-First happy hour with my co-workers: Old-school style bowling. That means Oldies music and manual scoring.
-Got my flu shot!
-Running into one of my college friends while I was locked out (more details below)-- they were going to the apartment across the hall. So fun and random!
-Eating lunch with the trainees I spent my whole summer with.
-Getting a bunch done/learning a lot at work this week.
-THE STATE FAIR. I got to see Eli Young Band and Easton Corbin.
-Being roommates with this girl.
-FINALLY going to the grocery store because my brother loves me. I spent an obscene amount of money there, but now my tummy is a happy one. :)
-Seeing my best friend's Senior Art Show.. her talent amazes me, and I am so proud of her!

Awkward:
-Going out to my first Oktoberfest of the month.. soon to be followed by the official Oktoberfest!
-Got locked out of my apartment because I forgot to tell my roommate that I was going out.. woops!
-Hanging out in the neighbors apartment while I called my roommate. Then, one of the girls tried kissing my roommate... super super awk.
-The privacy lock on our door. You can only unlock it from the inside. I have a feeling that I we will never be perfect at using this properly..
-Not having actual assignments at work because there is so much to learn. Everything I do is pretend work.
-Losing Mallori's boyfriend at the fair. I lost him when we were waiting in line for the restroom.
-Not having a car.. It has been in the shop for almost a month and a half.
-Going to OU/TX with my family this weekend... what happened to going to the West End with my best friends??

   

Weird Wednesday

I grew up in the great state of Oklahoma. If you aren't from Oklahoma, there are some things you must know:

• 'round here we might have an accent. None of us believe it, and don't understand why some people think "y'all" is a funny saying. 
• Yes, we are an obese state. But when you have places like Eischen's that specializes in selling whole fried chickens, how can you blame us? We know good food.
• We are friendly. When I drive around 71st and Memorial on a Saturday, I'll probably beg to differ. However, if there is one thing I have learned in my travels--- it is that we are one of the few areas of the U.S. where people are nice or considerate to strangers. I don't know how many times I've told a stranger how may day is going, or waved and smiled at them as we walk past each other.

So why does this matter? Well, it is what makes this Weird Wednesday topic tick:

When you and one other person are alone on an elevator and don't speak to each other.

There is about a two second period of time where you can establish communication. If that two seconds passes and the only communication was an awkward eye glance followed by an intense interest in your watch, then you are doomed for 30 seconds of awkward silence. And it feels just like this:

 

I must admit, I am guilty of this myself. Sometimes, I freeze and don't know what to do. I'm trapped in a metal box. I hope and pray that the person next to me will save the day with a great piece of small-talk. Anything. The weather, the day of the week, sports, heck I'd even accept breaking out into song High School Musical style (though I must admit, I've always secretly wished for my life to be a musical). Being from Oklahoma, I just expect communication with strangers. This silence throws me completely off my game.

Sometimes there just isn't any avoiding it. And apparently there will never be a solution...

Darn.