The Most Memorable Christmas Present

Setting: My hometown, Christmas.

Age: 7

It was Christmastime again- a time of happiness, glory, and my trademark red, velvet velour Holiday Dress. I wore that dress for years, thinking it was the fanciest thing around. When it was time to break out that dress again, I knew I would soon be eating delicious food, leaving out cookies for Santa (and carrots for the reindeer, of course), and opening presents.

When I was little, the exact presents I got weren't that important. Does anyone remember those old Sears catalogs they sent out around September? The ones with about 5 million pages of toys inside? That catalog was likely the most favorite magazine of my years, until I discovered the humor of my friend's Cosmos. Each year, I would go through each and every page of that catalog and make my Christmas list. It took me many years to realize that if I gave my mom Santa a 7 page long Christmas list, I probably wouldn't be opening any of the items on there come December 25th (even the Easy Bake Oven that made my number 1 slot for 4 years running).

As you can see, I didn't really care what present I would get- I just wanted presents. Presents in any shape or form were good, but I always knew that bigger meant better. Right? At 7 years old with only a few years experience under my belt, that was the rule I lived by.

Christmas morning rolled around, and the living room had been visited during the night- I was sure of it. There was a giant mound of presents, the stockings were stuffed, and some of the cookies/carrots eaten. We weren't really allowed into the room yet, but I noticed a very large box sitting center stage in front of the tree. This box was almost the size of my body. I walked towards it, and lo and behold my name was on it. Not only that- but the tag read:

To: Katy

From: Evan, Clark, and Blake

Was this real? Were my 3 older, horrible, mean brothers giving me a giant gift? This couldn't be! Maybe they did what everyone always told me they would do- they would grow up and come around, and be amazing older brothers. It was finally my chance. I was finally being appreciated. I was in the Heaven of all Christmas mornings.

Each year we traded off where we did Christmas first. Unfortunately, this year we were spending the morning at my Grandma's house down the street. I loved my Grandma and spent just about every day over there, but I could not stop thinking about that giant beacon of a present sitting underneath our Christmas Tree. Through lots of presents and a fantastic meal, I couldn't stop thinking about that giant present with my name on it. I was ecstatic when it was time to head back down the street to our house so that we could open our presents.

I remember it so perfectly. The sky had already turned dark, since we were in those short winter days. We had opened some smaller presents, and then it was finally my turn to open what I had been thinking about all day. The whole day I had fantasized about the possibilities, but never came up with a prediction on what it actually was. When I got to the box, I tried to move it a little when I noticed that it was really heavy. The best just got better, I thought. As I unwrapped the box, I could hardly contain my 7-year-old self. I opened the box, and I first saw wadded up newspaper, a common present-box stuffer in my family. I start taking out the newspaper, and realize that the newspaper goes much deeper than I expected. But there has to be a present- why else would the box be so heavy?

And then I saw it. Them. There were 3 bricks placed in the bottom of the box. It took me one second to realize that I had been scammed, yet again. Think of a giant hot air balloon that has a cannon shot through it- that was how I felt. Upon my discovery, I was told/received a note that said, "These are so that you can start building your house now- maybe you will have a shack to live in by the time you are old." They always had a running joke that I would be living in a box- a box they were so kind to give me and let me live in outside their mansions.

Fortunately, it looks like the tables have turned and I will be the one living in a "mansion." I found out from my father recently that he had seen the box and saw them acting sneakily. Apparently he threatened them because he knew they were plotting against me yet again.

We actually still have those bricks, laying in the closet of my old room. I think their may be a re-gifting occurring next Christmas.

;)

The Infamous "Hawaiian Punch" Incident

Setting: My kitchen

Age: 3

For many children, colored drinks are a sugary dream that you can only wish to get to taste. I was one of these children. Being 3, the only fruit punch I ever had was in the form of Triaminic. I don't do well with liquid medicines, so this was not a fun trade-off for me. (Did anyone else have to take the pepto-bismol looking medicine that was "bubble gum" flavored? Traumatizing!)

One day, the two sisters were in town and unloading groceries with my 3 brothers. As you can imagine, we go through a ton of food. My siblings discovered that my parents had bought the Family Size bottle of ketchup, and decided to have a little fun.

When I was little, I enjoyed going through the groceries and pretended I was the cashier as I de-bagged everything and put them back in the shelves. As I was pretending to do this in my merry little world, my brothers handed me a bowl filled with red almost-liquid. The fact that the red almost-liquid was in a bowl should have been a warning sign, as well as the fact that it was almost-liquid. However, my three year old mind had no idea what was to come. When they handed me the bowl, they said, "Here Katy! Have some Hawaiian Punch!" I was ecstatic. I, 3-year-old Katy, was going to get to have Hawaiian Punch. I didn't even think about my lack of trust for my siblings- I went for it! I ate the whole bowl, with a spoon I believe, in record time. I was so happy- I was on Cloud 9.

Years later, I was told of this story as "The Time Katy Ate a Whole Bowl of Ketchup." Little did I know that it was not Hawaiian Punch, but that it was the majority of a Family Size bottle of Heinz 57.

Surprisingly, I still like ketchup.