Over the past few months, I have started many posts that I just couldn't finish. I don't like to be super emotional on my blog, and that's what my posts were going to be. It has also just been something too difficult to write about, so I didn't.
In the beginning of November, the boyfriend and I broke up. It was primarily led by my fear of the future, which for us seemed too uncertain (from my perspective, at least). It was something that I couldn't get out of my mind, and it was affecting my ability to enjoy the relationship at its present. He was to be completing his Master's Degree at the end of this year, and then would be moving away to pursue his dreams. They used to be dreams that I shared, but over the past year and a half that dream for me has changed. I wanted to stay in my hometown of Tulsa and continue pursuing the dreams that have been developing for my life here.
As you can see, those two dreams don't match up. It was the first real, true, and difficult "adult" decision I have ever had to make. And it killed me.
The healing process has had its ups and downs, I just try to focus on the ups and ignore the downs. Even still, this is hard to write about. However, I want to get it out of the way so that I can start (inconsistently) blogging again freely.
Despite the sadness and heartbreak, I have been enjoying a new lease on life: to pursue my goals in Tulsa 100% and to never hold back. I have been focusing on whatever makes me happy, and to not think too much (as I always get caught up doing). I want to live freely and flourish. I don't want to miss any opportunity, and I want to shoot down any chance for me to live in regret. I must keep reminding myself that I am young- I am allowed to make mistakes and I am allowed to do what I want. This will be a hard one for me, but I can already tell that the happiness is worth it.
And that's all I have to say about that.
